No Distance Too Far
by BeneathTheUmbrella
Summary: Sequel to my story, "The Other End of the Line". This time, it's snippets of phone conversations between Tracy, Lily and Robin during that first year.


_So after my previous dialogue-only experiment with Ted and Marshall, I got inspired to write snippets of year-long phone calls between Tracy, Lily, and Robin, referencing various events from a bunch of my other fics. Had great fun writing this, so I hope you all enjoy reading it!_

* * *

"Lily!"

"Robin! You're back from your honeymoon! How was it?"

"Well, Maui isn't Rome, but we had a great time."

"Well, I figure you guys spent most of your time indoors anyway..."

"Lily, I am insulted! We most certainly took the time to go out and enjoy the island's natural wonders."

"You had sex on the beach, didn't you?"

"_And_ under a waterfall! Can you believe it? So cliché, and yet..."

"Best sex ever?"

"Ranked high up there. And you! How's Rome? How's the new job going?"

"It's going well! The Captain already has me on the hunt for new pieces. He's obsessed with this obscure artist who's apparently a blind gypsy man, so I'm scoping out various gypsy camps in the city trying to find him."

"Isn't that dangerous? Aren't gypsies known to be pickpockets?"

"Please, none of them would even _dare_ to rob me. Besides, I'm pregnant with a bad case of the morning, afternoon _and_ night sickness. They pick on me, I throw up on them. Easy."

"Fair enough. Be careful, though."

"I will. So, hey! Did you and Barney get a chance to meet Ted's new girlfriend?"

"Tracy? Yeah, we met up with them for drinks last night."

"What'd you guys think of her? Isn't she sweet?"

"She's super adorable. And as dorky as Ted, so it's pretty much a match made in heaven. She and I will probably meet up for brunch tomorrow."

"Aw, have you replaced me as your best friend already?"

"Never, Lil. But I like her and want to welcome her into our group with open arms. For Ted's sake too, you know?"

"It isn't awkward, is it? With everything..."

"Not at all, thankfully. She seems cool."

"She _really_ is. Oh, I'm _so_ excited! I can't wait to come back home and see you both! We'll go shopping together, get mani-pedis, have Sunday morning brunches together..."

"Steady, girl. You've still got a whole year. But your seat in the booth will be waiting for you when you back."

"I can't wait. I love you, Robin."

"Love you too, Lil. I'll talk to you soon."

* * *

"Omigod..."

"Tracy?"

"Robin, you weren't kidding last week."

"There are many things I don't kid about. You need to be more specific."

"You know, about Ted... You know..."

"That he has a weird obsession with Pablo Neruda?"

"No."

"Because he _thinks_ he sounds sophisticated when he reads poetry in Spanish, but he really doesn't..."

"Robin, focus! About his... performance. And how I'd be _very_ happy. Remember?"

"Ah! Right, right. So, you two got happy last night, I take it?"

"And this morning. Holy hell..."

"Good, right?"

"Great is the word you're looking for. Or some other adjective that probably doesn't even exist. But... wow."

"Aw, I'm glad, Tracy. For all of us, frankly. When Ted is getting regular sex, it means he's a more bearable person to hang out with. So Barney and I have to thank _you_."

"Well, I'm happy to help. I think."

"_My boy has become a man!_"

"What was that?"

"Um, Barney. Methinks Ted has just texted him with news of last night's... events."

"Ooooh, what did Ted say about me?"

"I don't know. Barney's just frantically texting him back right now. Where are you?"

"I just left his apartment. Need to head home and change, and then hit the grocery store. Even though groceries are the furthest thing from my mind right now."

"Hey, want to meet up for lunch? I think, as is standard, Ted and Barney will be meeting up for drinks this afternoon to dissect what happened yesterday, so you and I can meet and do the same."

"I'd love that! Ok, I'll text you later when I'm done with my errands."

"Sounds good, girlfriend. Talk to you later."

"Bye!"

* * *

"Hey, Lily!"

"Hey, Tracy. Sorry, I thought I called Ted's phone..."

"You did. He's in the shower, so I thought I'd answer when I saw your name."

"I'm glad you did! How are you doing?"

"Good. Just about to head off to my last day of my internship. Looking forward to the Labor Day long weekend."

"Right! You guys are headed to the Renaissance Fair."

"Actually, it's pronounced Re-_nai-_ssance—"

"Don't you start, too!"

"Sorry..."

"Anyway, enjoy yourselves. It's nice Ted finally has someone to go with. Just don't let him buy anything crazy. We have a hole in our apartment ceiling due to a certain ill-advised purchase."

"The flail. Right, he told me about that. Ok, so no weaponry from the Middle Ages, got it. How's the baby doing?"

"Good! Found an OBGYN here who speaks English, so that's a relief. But the pregnancy is going well."

"Aw, I'm glad! I already started knitting up a pair of baby booties for him or her, by the way. I'll mail them out to you eventually."

"Oh, when you send your next care package, Marshall wanted me to remind you—"

"To send a batch of Sumbitches, got it. Oh, Ted just stepped out of the shower. He's all yours. Have a good weekend, Lily. I'll talk to you next week."

"Enjoy the nerd fest! I mean the Renaissance Fair..."

"I'd be insulted, but I take your gentle ribbing as a sign of love and friendship, so thank you. Ted and I will have a lovely time."

"That's exactly it. Enjoy your weekend, Tracy."

* * *

"Lily! Happy New Year!"

"Robin, same to you! Are you drunk?"

"Pffft, _noooo_... Um, yeah, just a little. And slightly stoned."

"What kind of party is WWN hosting?"

"An _awesome_ one! But Barney's the one who snuck in the pot; we smoked a bit earlier in the night."

"Wow, I can't remember the last time I had some... Anyway, how's everyone doing? How are Ted and Tracy?"

"They were lame and left about a half-hour ago to have sex upstairs."

"And you and Barney?"

"Oh, we just went and did it in a stairwell."

"I wouldn't have expected anything else. But you guys had a good time?"

"A great time, and the party's still going strong. How about you? How's the new year looking in Rome?"

"It was great. Rung it in 8 hours ago, but we were up feeding Daisy anyway. And I'm still awake; didn't get much sleep last night."

"Aw, Lily... I wish you a sleep-filled 2014!"

"Aw, thank you, sweetie! And I hope you have a, er... sex-filled 2014?"

"That's so nice, Lil! _Thank you! _I'll let Barney know you wished us well."

"Heh. You're welcome. Anyway, I'll call you guys sometime during the day, when you're less inebriated. Marshall and I want to talk to all four of you. We miss you."

"We miss you, too! But the next five months will just fly by, I swear."

"I know. Ok, enjoy the rest of your party. We'll chat later."

"Bye, Lily! I love you _soooo_— Barney, babe, not now... Ok, fine, fine, let's go upstairs. Goodnight, Lil! Love ya!"

"Love you, too."

* * *

"Hey, Lily!"

"Hi, Tracy! How are you?"

"Good. But tired. Planning a big Valentine's Day surprise for Ted is _not_ easy."

"Whoa, _you're_ planning something for _him_? That's new. Valentine's Day is when he outdoes himself; it's practically his Christmas. How'd you take that away from him?"

"Quite a bit of convincing and a few sexual favors. But he gave in."

"Well, I guess he can appreciate being with someone who can execute a big romantic gesture as well as him. What's your plan?"

"A scavenger hunt across the city, that ends on top of the Empire State Building. You think he'll like it?"

"You're pretty much taking two of his favourite things in the world—riddles and clues, and his beloved Empy—and putting them together. He'll love it."

"Yeah? Oh, good. I just wanted our first Valentine's Day together to be special."

"Believe me, the fact that he finally has someone to celebrate this holiday with is special enough. Anything else will be a happy bonus."

"I'm glad. How are you guys? Oh, did you receive the care package I sent for Daisy?"

"The pink knit blanket, and the painting of a baby robot dreaming? Yep, got 'em!"

"Isn't the painting _adorable_? I made a similar one when my nephew was born last month!"

"It's weirdly adorable, I have to agree."

"I went outside my robots-playing-sports range, but I was so pleased with the result. I may see where I can take this Baby Robots theme."

"Hey, when you and Ted have kids, I'm sure you'll be painting baby robots on the nursery walls."

"Oh, we're nowhere near having kids yet, Lily..."

"But someday?"

"Yeah. Yeah, someday, definitely."

"I can practically _hear_ you smiling on my end of the line, Tracy."

"Shush, you... _You're_ smiling! Oh crap, I hear the front door. This conversation? Never happened."

"Your secret's safe with me, sweetie."

"Is it really?"

"Well... you're lucky it's February 12th. I can survive this short window of time. Any longer, and I would've spilled your surprise to Ted somehow."

"Thanks, Lily. You and Marshall have a great Valentine's Day! Kisses to the kids."

"Will do. Have a good night."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey, Robin! You sound out of breath. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Oh, no. No... I was— We were—"

"Aw man, were you and Barney doing it?"

"Hey, I don't owe you any explanations. It's our anniversary, we're in the same hotel room as our wedding night last year..."

"No need to explain, honey! I'll keep it brief. Ted and I are on our way. Breakfast ran late, but we're on the road. Going to make a quick stop at Florian van Otterloop's childhood home, and we should be there by 5."

"Florian van who?"

"Nevermind. Are Marshall and Lily there?"

"I got a text from her an hour ago saying that they were waiting for the cleaning lady to be done with their room, but they should be checked in by now."

"Ok, good. Ted and I will see you soon, then. I really can't wait for this weekend!"

"Me either. It's going to be great, the six of us together... Just tell Ted to hurry, ok? There's no reason for him to go 10 miles below the speed limit."

"No worries. I've already told Lady Tedwina Slowsby to kick it up a notch. He's driving like a normal human being now."

"Good. See you in a few, Tracy."

"Yep. Now you go back to, um, doing your husband. Sorry to interrupt!"

"No worries, hon. See you soon."

"Bye, Robin."

END


End file.
